Back-to-school anxiety: practical ways to support your child (and yourself)

The week before school starts often feels like a strange mix of excitement and dread. Bags are being packed, timetables shared, and suddenly everyone’s nervous system is running a little hotter than usual. Children pick up on that shift, and so do adults. The good news is that you don’t need a grand solution. Small, predictable steps genuinely help children settle and help parents feel more in control too.

Think of this as building a soft runway into the new term, rather than a sharp cliff edge.

Reboot the routine a week early

Sleep and wake times are one of the biggest levers you have. Shifting bedtime and wake-up by 15-20 minutes gradually, rather than facing a “shock to the system” on day one.

Laying out uniforms, bags, water bottles and PE kits the night before reduces decision-fatigue in the morning. One parent described it as “removing the small arguments before they happen” and that’s exactly why it works.

Do a first-day rehearsal 

For many children, the unknown is the hardest part. A short walk or drive along the school route at the actual time you’ll travel can make the day feel more familiar. If they’re starting a new school, looking at photos or videos of the building together helps them picture where they’re going.

Imagine a child who’s worried about “getting lost”. Walking past the gates, seeing the door they’ll use, and knowing where you’ll say goodbye turns a vague fear turns a vague fear into something concrete and manageable.

Create a calm morning checklist 

Mornings can quickly become a tangle of instructions: “brush your teeth”, “find your shoes”, “eat your breakfast”. A simple, visible checklist- wash, dress, breakfast, teeth, bag- gives children a sense of autonomy and reduces nagging.

For younger children, picture-based checklists work particularly well. One family turned it into a game: each step had a picture, and the child got to put a sticker next to each one they completed. The routine became a shared activity rather a battle.

Name and Normalise feelings 

When children can name what they’re feeling, it becomes easier to manage. Using plain language, “it’s normal to feel wobbly before new things. Lots of kids feel this way.” - helps them understand that anxiety isn’t a sign something is wrong; it’s a sign something is important.

Sharing a short, age-appropriate story about a time you felt nervous (a new job, a presentation, a first day somewhere) shows them that adults feel this too, and that the feeling passes.

Practise a coping cue

Coping tools work best when they’re practised in calm moments, so they’re “in the muscles” when needed. Breathing exercises like 4-6 breathing (inhale for 4, exhale for 6, repeat 5-10 times) or grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 senses (five things you can see, four you can feel etc.) help regulate the nervous system.

You might practice together on the sofa and then agree a cue: “if you feel wobbly at the gate, try your breathing. I’ll be thinking of you doing it”

Make the goodbye predictable 

Goodbyes can be a flashpoint. A lingering, uncertain farewell often amplifies anxiety, because it keeps everyone in the “will we/wont we” moment. A brief, warm, consistent goodbye helps children transition more smoothly.

One parent used a simple script: “You’ve got this. I’ll see you at 3:15. One big hug!” Over time, that predictability became a source of comfort.

Watch for common anxiety signs

Tummy aches without a clear cause, disrupted sleep, irritability or school refusal can all be signs that a child is struggling. If they appear, go back to basics: routine, predictability, coping cues and one‑to‑one check‑ins.

Look after the adult nervous system too

Children borrow our calm. Protecting your own sleep, getting daylight, and planning a small morning buffer, even five quiet minutes with a cup of tea, can make a noticeable difference to how the day feels.

When to seek extra support

If anxiety persists beyond the settling‑in period (around 2–3 weeks), escalates, or disrupts daily life (sleep, eating, attendance), it’s time to seek more help. School pastoral teams, GPs and specialist services can advise.

If you’d value a short, practical session on back‑to‑school anxiety, just for parents or alongside your organisation’s family network, Phillips Wellbeing counsellors can help you build a tailored plan.

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