Grief at work: what to say, what to change, and how to support over time

Bereavement touches every team. When someone experiences a loss, work can feel both like a lifeline and an additional burden. Compassionate, practical support helps people return safely and sustainably, without expecting them to “bounce back” on a timetable.

The aim is to combine humanity with structure.

Start with humanity

Simple, honest words matter: “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Avoid “At least…” (“At least they didn’t suffer”) and comparison stories (“When my dad died…”), which can unintentionally minimise or redirect the focus.

Offering something specific, “Can I move your meetings this week?” “Would a phased return help?”, reduces the cognitive load of having to decide what might be helpful.

Create flexible space

Compassionate leave that accounts for travel, cultural practices and administrative tasks (funeral arrangements, paperwork) gives people room to navigate the immediate aftermath.

Options for a phased return, lighter duties or reduced meetings for a set period can make coming back to work feel less overwhelming.

Manager practices that help

Managers play a key role in shaping the experience. Helpful practices include:

• Agreeing communication preferences (email vs chat, who informs whom)
• Checking in, not checking up: “How’s today?” “What would make next week easier?”
• Protecting key dates (funeral, anniversaries) in the calendar and planning cover early

These actions show that the person’s needs are being considered over time, not just in the first few days.

Team norms

Teams can support by:

• Giving permission not to socialise
• Avoiding gossip
• Respecting privacy and sharing only what the person is comfortable with

A thoughtful team culture reduces the pressure to “perform” normality before someone is ready.

Sustaining support

Grief is not linear. People may have days where they feel relatively steady and days where the loss feels raw again. Keeping an eye on workload creep and reviewing supports at 2, 6 and 12 weeks helps ensure that adjustments don’t quietly disappear.

When to seek more help

Persistent inability to function at work beyond the initial period, severe sleep disturbance, substance misuse or signs of complicated grief are indicators that professional support may be needed. Clear signposting to counselling and peer support makes it easier to access help.

Simple checklist for HR

• HR teams can strengthen bereavement support by having:
• A clear bereavement policy and manager guidance
• Template communications
• Phased‑return options
• Signposting to counselling and peer support

Call to action: Phillips Wellbeing provides bereavement‑aware policy templates, manager training and confidential counselling for employees navigating loss.

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